SEXUAL ABUSE IN MINISTRY

"Did not Solomon King of Israel sin by these things? Yet among many
nations was there no King like him, who was beloved of his God and
God made him King over all Israel: Nevertheless even him did
outlandish women cause to sin" (Nehemiah 13:26).

Abuse is common in ministry and in the last couple of years, immoral
tendencies are gaining ascendancy in many churches and ministries.
One abuse that is very common and widespread is sex abuse. Many
leaders are sexually abusive and exploiting those under their
leadership.

Several years ago, a pastor taught his members that if they want to
be holy, they should simply sleep with the man of God and whatever
comes from his body will automatically enable them to live a holy
life. The result? He slept with 30 of the women within few weeks!
The church suffered downward spiral and is yet to recover after more
than 20 years. What an erroneous teaching!

There is also the story of a prominent preacher who was messing
around with one of his Secretaries for years. He aborted several
pregnancies for her until the secret was blown open by her
confession to a senior man of God. After the usual round of denials,
the deed was acknowledged years later. But by then, over 68 churches
have broken away and many Pastors have been lost.
Almost everyday, the print and electronic media reports one form of
sexual abuse or the other by leaders. Sexual abuse in ministry
occurs when leaders sexually take advantage of their followers,
either by consent or not. Sexual abuse is when leaders use their
privileged position to woo and have sex with their secretaries,
workers, staff and members. Sometimes they promise money, position,
promotion and heavenly reward to such victim of their sexual
escapades!.

It is an incontestable fact that most leaders in our society are
sexually immoral. They patronise prostitutes and have flings with
those working with them and for them. The more reason many of them
don't have stable and happy families.

Our schools are citadel of lust and immorality. Many graduates
cannot defend and prove their certificates because they got them by
sleeping with their lecturers. Lecturers and head of departments
take advantage of their students sexually. This is an open secret
today.

Our offices and government parastatals are also sex avenues today.
In actual fact, sex is the major topic of discussion in offices and
sexual favours are common place. Many women sleep their way to the
top and adultery is taken as a pastime.

Our churches, of all places, witness immorality sitting in the pews
on Sunday. Most girls and boys from age 13 are sexually active. Many
married men are messing around and married women are not left out
too. Because we live in a sex saturated world, the church is not
left out too.
Premarital and extramarital sex is a fad that is permeating the
church too. Many preachers are tongue-tied about it because they are
involved too! Alarmingly, incest has come up strongly in the church
today.

Recently, an altar call was made in a vigil of a popular Pentecostal
Church. Ladies who have had or are still having sexual relationship
with their fathers were asked to come out for prayer. Surprisingly,
over 500 girls came out! And these are daughters of church leaders,
deacons and ministers! May the Lord have mercy!

Furthermore, the youths of a particular Charismatic church went to a
Christian Camp Ground for a vigil. The following morning, used
condoms litter the ground of the meeting place!

Sexual Abuse by Leaders

More importantly, `immorality' is preaching from the pulpit and
doing ministrations from the altar, week in, week out. It is
nauseating today that many church leaders are into sexual abuse and
perversion. The world was shocked last year to discover that
American leading evangelical, Tem Haggard, had been a homosexual for
three years, while he still travelled the whole world purpotedly
preaching the gospel. 

In our country. pastors were in a particular
mountain to pray and seek the face of God. A preacher was invited to
preach and he gave a strange altar call; those who are sleeping or
have slept with their daughters should come out for repentance and
prayer. Over 100 pastors came out confessing and praying! What a
tragedy in leadership! These stories are true and accurate, not a
figment of my imagination.

The following statistics about pastors are quite revealing and
saddening:
* 1,500 pastors leave the ministry each month due to
moral failure
* 20% say they have had extramarital affairs
* 40% say they are often tempted sexually
* 20% say they have inappropriate sexual behaviour
* 17% say they have slept with someone other than their
wives.
* Only 5.5% are living right, Amazing!

These are staggering statistics that are realistic today. It is
common knowledge that many pastors and bishops have children out of
wedlock. In some circle of church leaders, sleeping around with
female or male members is no longer a big deal. Actually, a `man of
God' and a `woman of God' can and do sleep with each other on
regular basis so that they can combine anointing together to make
the work progress! What an abomination!!
A certain lady told my Registrar in the office that she had been to
many churches and slept with so many men of God. And that what
amazes her is that those men of God still seem to preach powerfully
after sleeping with her!

All these and many more have led to bad image, loss of honour,
disrespect and shame for those in position of leadership in the
church. Many leaders have become a laughing stock because of these
pervasions. Churches have broken away, Christians have backslided,
ministries have collapsed and many promising future are alarmingly
ruined as a result of these sexual abuses.

How leaders fall into sexual abuse

A stunningly beautiful lady with two kids visited a church for the
first time. She pretended to be born again and requested to see the
pastor for marital counselling. She told the story of lack of love,
care and concern by her husband. The pastor was sympathetic and
tried to wipe away her tears by placing his hand round her shoulder.
In the course of doing that, he was sexually aroused. More
counselling sessions and more frequent visit to the church, and
before you can say Jack Robinson, the pastor divorced his wife and
eloped with the young mother of two kids.

Another Bishop was a guest speaker in a church for some few days of
indoor meetings. He was lodged in a Guest House owned by the church.
Some women were assigned to be doing the cooking for the guest
minister. On the third day, the host pastor paid an unscheduled
visit to the Guest House. Behold, the bishop was caught pant down
having sex with one of the women doing his cookings. The woman later
confessed that she was doing the afternoon duty, while someone did
overnight and another one did morning duty! What a sacrilege!

It has been discovered that sexual abuse by leaders usually follow
some discernible patterns. It goes something like this:
# An undisciplined and uncontrollable sexual life
# Unsatisfactory sexual life in marriage
# Lust and immorality in thought and heart
# Counselling sessions with someone who arouses you
sexually
# Body tension and inward fire towards a particular
member
# Expression of interest, lust and affairs
# Denials, concealment and cover up
# Discovery, shame and loss of name and work.

Unfortunately, many leaders have fallen prey to these tactics of the
enemy. Ministers and leaders who move from meetings
to meetings, travelling up and down ministering to people need to
sit down to re-fuel and reload, else when they meet with a seducer
or temptress, they will have no strength to resist and down they go.

It needs to be stated that most sexual abuse starts from
within. "Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for
God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth any man. But every
man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin; when
it is finished bringeth forth death" (James 1:13-15).

Once lust have gotten an inward hold on you, it is sure you will
fall into sexual abuse as a leader.

Why Sexual Abuse is Common With Leaders

Permit me to enumerate factors that are responsible for the
widespread of sexual abuse among leaders. This is not to justify the
evil practise, but to warn and enlighten leaders who want to be free
and remain free.

1. Smite the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter

This is the eternal principle of Satan. He always goes for the
leader, knowing that once the leader is corrupted, the work will be
destroyed. He therefore works to make leaders fall through sexual
sins. Sexual abuse is the most insidious sin a leader can commit and
the work will get destroyed from the foundation.


I remember the story of a pastor who slept with both mother and
daughter. The mother confessed to the whole church through the ploy
of wanting to give testimony. The whole church scattered and the
building had to be sold to another church and the pastor had to run
away to another country for many years. Another Pastor in Lagos had
the habit of romancing and sexually abusing his members in his
office. When the secret blew open, his international church reduced
from 600 to less than 100 people.

2. To Destroy a Promising and Bright Future

Somehow, the devil and his cohorts are aware of the promising future
of an up and coming young Christian man or woman. One of the most
frequent ways to ruin such future is through the provision of free
women and sex. Remember Joseph. His master's wife spoke to him
everyday for a long time. Thank God he refused, else he would have
ruined his future.

"And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast
her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me. But he refused, and
said unto his master's wife, Behold, my master wotteth not what is
with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my
hand; There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he
kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how
then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God? And it
came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened
not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her. And it came to pass
about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business;
and there was none of the men of the house there within. And she
caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his
garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out" (Gen. 39:7-12).

A young evangelist in a University Campus was not as wise as Joseph.
He was destined to be great. His preaching were anointed and
everybody knew that the hand of God was upon him. Unfortunately, the
devil also knew and he sent ladies to swam around him. Before you
knew it, he had fallen, never to rise again to fulfill his promised
future.

3. Leaders are more Tempted

More than anybody or anyone else, leaders are being tempted more
often. People confide in leaders. Women offered themselves to
leaders. Sometimes, leaders are seen as angels and women are ready
to expose their nakedness in the name of being free with their
leader and father in the Lord. All these are great temptation to
leaders.

Quite sadly that many leaders have fallen prey to these temptation
and sexual abuse have been the outcome.

The story is told of a particular rich lady who bought gifts and
vehicles for a particular church and the pastor. One day she sent
for the pastor to come to her house around 9.30 pm. After cooking a
delicious meal for him, she knelt down and said "I have given much
to this church but now I want to give my whole body to you as a
living sacrifice just as Romans. 12:1 says". Of course, the end
result was sexual relationship and the church went down and the
pastor lost his ministry.

4. Uncooked and Half-baked Leaders

When leaders are not seasoned, thoroughly cooked and prepared by the
Lord, the end result will be sexual abuse. When we don't allow God
to deal with the weak areas of our lives, the outcome will be the
buffeting of Satan in this area. When we place carnal and ungodly
men in sensitive and pressure - prone leadership positions, they
will mess up and ruin the work. When you as a leader don't develop
and seek for purity in your sexual life, there is no way you'll not
take advantage of the women under your leadership.

5. Immoral and Indisciplined Leaders

Leaders that do not have disciplined sexual and marital lives should
not be placed over the church and work of God. Ministers that can't
control their emotions, feelings and sexual urges, should not near
the altar for God. But that is the case today.

A pastor was transferred to a church and just in the space of few
months, he slept with over 13 women. What kind of a pastor is that?

True leaders must live by the injuctions of Paul in Romans
13:14 "But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision
for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof"

6. To Turn People Away From God

Sexual abuse is growing among leaders because the devil wants to
destroy the faith of people in leaders and send as many as possible
to hell fire. When leaders are corrupted, the faith of the people
will be ruined and they will turn away from God. So many people have
died renouncing their faith as a result of the fall of their
leaders. Many once thriving churches have become empty due to the
sexual laxity of the leaders.

There was a church that every pastor that was transferred there must
fall into the sin of immorality. Eventually six pastors fell, the
youths then became desperate to seek the face of God. They were told
by the Lord that the Overseer that laid the foundation of the church
did it while living in adultery and no pastor will succeed there
unless they relayed a new foundation in the name of the Lord.

This they did in conjunction with the elders and the sin stopped,
and pastors no longer fell into this shameful sin. But then, so many
lives have been lost and future ruined.
7. To Render Incapable Again

Sexual laxity is one of the great landmines of ministry. It has
blown many away and rendered them incapacitated. Many wounded
soldiers abound in the vineyard of the Lord through this sin alone.
The devil has succeeded in this venture so much that every serious
leader must beware today. I know of many great preachers,
evangelists, prophets, pastors and bishops whose sun set at noon and
they are now mere shadows of themselves through this horrible sin.

Freedom for Leaders

To be free from sexual abuse in ministry, sincere leaders must take
note of these points:

1. Be honest with yourself in this area

How strong or weak are you? Can people trust you with their
daughters and wives?

2. Repent of any known lust

Once you don't repent and get free from lust, you'll be in its grip
as long as you live

3. Determine to live a pure life

The grace of God is sufficient to enable you live a pure life

4. Take measures against sexual abuse

THE REAL MAN BEHIND THE MINISTRY

For too long a time, our focus has been on the ministry and church.
Little or no attention has been given to the MAN behind the ministry.
And this has resulted in many of the problems bedeviling the
ministry. The man is more than the ministry. The ministry does not
make the man, rather it is the man that makes the ministry.

The man must first be a real man before he can be a good minister in
the ministry. Churches have suffered and the society have taken a
turn for the worse simply becasue we have not given the needed
attention to this very profound issue.

One of the name given to ministers is "man of God" or "woman of God".
However, many are functioning as boys and girls of God today because
we have not taken time to become a man before entering the ministry.
Today, many males abound, but the real man is a scare commodity. In
this teaching we want to look at the man who can make a good minister
and thereby make the ministry thick.

1. BIBLICAL FOUNDATION:
Genesis 5:11, II Cor. 11:7, Ps,8:3-8. Man is created in the image of
God, He is the very image of God. God reckons with every one - male,
female or children. But the man is number one with Him. Biblically,
only male are counted, no female is really recognised. And really, a
woman is a man with a womb-she man.

Facts about the Man
* Man is the Head of God's creation.
* Man is born to rule and lead
* Man occupies the position of authority and power
* Man is a small god to other creatures
* Man is the Head of the home
* Man is Banker provided by nature
* Man is Burden-bearer
* Man is a mentor and Model
* Man is a Steward
* Man is Responsiblities.

2. WHO IS A REAL MAN?

Being a male is a matter of birth, but being a man is a matter of
choice. Becoming a real man simply means:

* Rising up to yoour maximum potential.
* fulfilling God's will and purpose for your life.
* Being responsible, dependable and reliable.
* High degree of maturity and understanding.
* Being respected by those closest to you.
* Living by sound principles.
* Displyaing godly character in every situation.
* Being a blessed to everyone you meet.

Real men are men of honour and men of honour are real men.

* Respect - integrity and character.
* Empathy - compassionate, mild, kind, generous.
* Action - positive action for results.
* Love - a loving, forgiving and merciful heart.
* Nutured - high maturity and magnanimity.
* Effective - planning, goal setting adn making impact
* Nuture - ability to help, assist and mentor others.

3. THE MAN GOD USES

Even though the population of woman and children are always more than
men, yet God depends on men so much, whenever He is searching for
someone to use for a great work. Today, God is still searching for
men that will stand in the gap. He is looking for a man among men.
Ezekiel 22:0, Isa. 6:8, John 1:6.

The times we are living in calls for a man, not only men, in war, men
are nothing, the man is everything. One man can bring change,
turnaround and positive lasting impact to the church, society and the
world at large. II Chro.16:9 God is looking for a man of vision,
integrity, prayer, power, wisdom, untained by women, lust, frame,
avarice, pride and the corruption of this life. Men on fire, dynamic,
zealous, holy and anointed man. Whenever God has found such man, His
cause has always prosper. Today, God needs VIP men:

A. Vision: Isaiah 6:1-8
Upward Vision - God's holiness
Inward Vision - Man's sinfulness
Outward Vision - Perishing sinners
God is looking for men that will see the vision of missionary call
from heaven (Isa. 6:1-8); from hell (Luke 16:23-28) and from the
heathen Acts 16:9

B. Integrity: Acts 24:16, Heb. 7:26: Truthfullness, honesty,
holiness and transparent life style.

C. Prayer: Acts 13:1-4: Personal, persistent, fervent and
importunate praying.

4. 15 MARKS OF A REAL MAN
1. A real man knows God intimately and rely on Him.
2. A real man is focused and purposeful.
3. A real man is a man of his word and principled.
4. A real man embraces self-discipli and selflessness.
5. A real man is a spiritually growing man.
6. A real man don't joke with his family.
7. A real man is independent of his parents.
8. A real man continually improve himself
9. A real man is stable and godly in character.
10. A real man makes good investment of his time, talent and
trasure.
11. A real man is not overwhelmed or overawed by problems.
12. A real man posses a great attitude, no matter what.
1. A real man takes risk and is decisive.
14. A real man is patient, persistent and persevering.
15. A real man gives and contributes positively to life.

5. PRESSURE ON MEN
Today, so many pressures are facing the man in the ministry. So
many 'man of God' have crumbled and are still crumbling under these
intense pressures coming from society, church, ministry, home,
parents, friends, colleagues, and the host of darkness.

Of all the pressure facing men in the ministry, sexual pressure is
the most dominat. And more and more ' men of God' are succumbling and
breaking up under this intense, sustained and corrupting pressure.
The alarming rate of divorce, promiscuity, fornication, adultery,
flings, inordinate affairs and sexual harassment being reported in
the ministry today are clear indication of this evil pressure. I
cor.10:8, Numb. 25:1.

11 Ways that Real Men Handle - Sexual Pressure
1. Real men know themselves and are aware of the danger of
sexual pressure.
2. Real men repend and turn away from sexual sins.
3. Real men disciplines and control their sexual appetite.
4. Real men run away from every appearances of evil.
5. Real men live an open, transparent life-style.
6. Real men have no secret dealings with any woman.
7. Real men watch over their hear, eyes and their thought.
8. Real men don't play on anyone's emotions or walk at the bank
of sin.
9. Real men maintains integrity and godly character.
10. Real men surrouonds themselves with faithful, loyal,
prayerful and godly assistants.
11. Real men always ask and seek for God's grace and mercy.

6. PROCESS OF BECOMING A REAL MAN
To become a man is not a day job, it is a long process. One can be
18 and behaves as a man, and one can be 60 but still behaving as only
a male. Here are the process.

1. Personal growth and development.
2. Place emphasis on character.
3. Positive attitudes
4. Determination to always act matured.
5. Not shrinking from responsibilities
6. Developing a broad, free and kind heart.
7. Learning and teachable spirit.
8. Developing your leadership ability.